Without going into details

Like so many other shitty blogs out there, I'm afraid this will soon devolve into an angsty outlet.

Tough.

Anyway, I won't even go into details what happened today. I'll leave it for me to remember. If I forget, all the better. Anyway, I have doubts about whether or not I did was the right thing. If it was the wrong thing, then that means I squandered a tremendous opportunity and burned bridges that can never be rebuilt. If I did the right thing, nothing changes; especially not the theory that I have that the best is behind me and all my hopes and dreams are out of sight.

Am I destined to fail in life? Will all the good things disguise themselves as bad things, and haunt me when I refuse to accept them because they seem unpalatable? I guess I should thicken my skin so that I may become more accustomed to failure.

All sorts of pain.

As of this writing, I don't have a single limb on my body that isn't hurt in one way or another. My right arm is covered in bruises. My left shoulder (arm socket?) hurts so bad that I can hardly lift or rotate it. And both of my legs have shin splints. Actually, the pain isn't so serious--not as bad as an actual broken or severed limb. Perhaps a better word is "discomfort."

The left shoulder hurts the worst, though. I got that after I sparred with Nguyen (a black belt in Kenpo). I still feel cheated and hurt from that little bout of fisticuffs since I, a beginner who hasn't even smelt the sweat of a sham fight, was not given any coaching tips on how to fare better against this guy. Instead, he was given tips on how to clean my clock. I really hope that neither Nguyen nor the sifu are reading this blog.

My legs are a different story. I got off the bus ten blocks away from where I was suppossed to go. I went to the Superior Court for a job interview. I left for the bus two hours early. The bus literally took an hour and a half to travel maybe five miles. Traffic was like molasses. I said "To heck with this--I'm not gonna wait any longer when walking seems faster." I ran ten blocks in dress shoes. I will never do that again. To make matters worse, I don't the interview went very well.

I've been home alone for over a week. I thought it would be fun; I thought there would be a lot of cool things I'd get done. Instead, I've grown lonely, isolated and weird. OK, maybe that's exaggerating a bit, but before my parents left, I felt that I had burned the bridges between all my friends and loved ones. This past academic year was a social black hole.

Earlier, I promised myself that the HUM 5 reading material would never get through to me. I failed. I now realized that I am the Underground Man.

God, I feel so helpless.

UPDATE: I "redacted" one of the paragraphs above. Considering the way things are now, I felt that the aforementioned paragraph would only make matters worse, if someone were to read it. The Proverbs say that if a man is to have friends, he must show himself to be friendly.

The Dark Side is strong with Tom Cruise

http://tcruiseko.ytmnd.com/

First!!!

Hello, and this is my second blog on blogger.com. This is my section, and I'll see to it that it stays that way. Tomkyou already hijacked my first blog and made it his own. But he is a fictional feline character, and I am a real person. The demarcation between reality and internet fantasy will be strictly enforced here.

What to say? Well, I have a Live Journal. I won't distribute that URL because it is strictly for My Eyes Only (and for whoever happens to randomly waltz in there--hopefully no one I know). I go to UCSD. I am probably good enough to go into Medical School (I am a premed), but a strong part of me wishes not to do so. I am a Christian, raised that way. Despite the secularophilic (expect me to use a lot of made up words) environment of the University, I am still a Christian and find no reason to give up my faith any time at all. At best because I want to experience the love and grace of the Lord. At worst because I want to spite the atheists. And my shoulder hurts. It has hurt since yesterday. I will never spar a black belt again. NEVER.