What is the Breaking Point?

I'd say the breaking point is when I kill myself. But no matter how intense the stress I recieve is, I can't bring myself to do it. I am (or was) the kind of guy who would wail like it was the end of the world when I lose a pencil (this was in fourth grade, or so I was told).

I haven't reached the breaking point, since obviously I'm typing this entry. I don't think I will either, since I didn't when my... accident happened. I was hysterical, yes. But I couldn't bring myself to do it. But I feel broken on the inside. I recieved more bad news today, suffice it to say. Under the advice of my... um, advisor, I won't give any details in case anyone actually READS this blog. But this new bad news, combined with stressors from class, made me feel shitty in a way I have never ever felt before.

If anything good can possibly come out of this, it is that this whole thing will be my driving force to enter Med school. Sure, Mom says that I shouldn't enter a career I am not passionate about, but then again I was never passionate about school and got by anyway. What made me get by in school was that I was absolutely, positively compelled (coerced, even) to go to school (I'll simply leave the homeschooling option out of this debate). I am not thrilled at the prospect of more studying, more "lab" time, residency and lack of sleep--since at the minimum six-a-day I am a basket case. Nor am I thrilled at the high malpractice insurance looming ahead. (Seriously, I am sick of insurance already). But if the worst case scenario comes true, I will have to get out of the red somehow--and a six figure salary can do that quickly with a little spending money left over.

I still don't want to be a doctor, though.